


Big Time Mythology

by ponchothor



Category: Big Time Rush (TV), Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Multi, PJO/BTR Crossover AU, This whole thing is one massive joke that got out of hand, please dont take this seriously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-18 15:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18122786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ponchothor/pseuds/ponchothor
Summary: Turns out Gustavo was Dionysus the whole time, and Big Time Rush was a band composed of half-bloods. Zeus has called and BTR are coming right off their second tour, straight into the world of Camp Half-Blood.Alternatively: I took a joke on twitter way too far and this was the result.(Discontinued)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Literally this entire fic is a joke its not good nor is it supposed to be good. Enjoy the goofs.

You’d think Dionysus would have done anything to avoid encountering any of the demigods he proclaimed “snot nosed brats” after he was released from his post as director of Camp Half-Blood after 100 years, right? But a year, a trip down memory lane to his time in the 90s dabbling as a record producer, and one interesting winter solstice meeting on Olympus later, and he was seeking one of the brats out.

See, Hermes had bragged about the mischief that one of his children, still unaware of his parentage, had been up to in some Minnesota town. The kid was the first to have inherited his father’s audiokinesis. When he sang, he was *very* convincing. People bent to his will without knowing it. And that- that piqued Dionysus’ interest. So 2 days later, he slapped his Gustavo Rocque identity back on, called up his nymph friend Kelly, and set up a nationwide talent search to find the kid. He’d kill two birds with one stone- find the kid who’d restart his record producing career crush some mortals’ spirits along the way. He laughed his way through 15 cities before arriving in Minnesota, dead set on finding this kid. With a minute til the end of the auditions, he held no hope. He heard some terrible kid beatbox, another one fart into the mic, and one decent singer- but no sign of the audiokinesis. Until he crushed the last kids dreams. The next thing he knew, feet landed on the table in front of him, a turd song began, and the audiokinesis washed over him. But he couldn’t let himself be disrespected like that, so he sent the kid- Kendall- away.

A whirlwind, multiple arguments, a grocery store parking lot confrontation, and heated words with Kelly who decided she thought the other 3 brats Kendall wanted to come with him- as a singing group, no less- were also demigods with potential to have profitable powers, and a couple of packing days later, Kendall and his group of idiots were moving into The Palmwoods, the only non-camp safe space for half-bloods, made that way with warding symbols from Bitters, a minor god who had been banished there. 

Somewhere along the way, Kendall had unknowingly learned to use his audiokinesis to give pep talks and speeches as well. So Girl time was scrapped, Big Time Rush was born, and Dionysus made it work. Hermes found out before long but was cool with it as long as being a member of Big Time Rush, and after a little over a year, the band was famous worldwide. Dionysus felt like he was finally back on top, until he got a call from his dad. 

Zeus, furious this had been done under his nose, deemed the band’s platform too large, too attractive to monsters and enemies to Olympus for the boys to continue on believing they were mortals. To continue living in LA. The boys needed to go to Camp, and as punishment, Dionysus would go with, resuming his post as Director for another century.

He could deal with Kendall and the dogs in LA. He could deal with Peter Johnson and his friends at camp. But together? Dionysus had a big storm coming. 

Which brings us to now, with Kendall, Logan, Carlos, James, and even Katie packed for camp, being told only that it was for kids like them. James assumed this meant other teen celebrities, but that wouldn’t explain why Katie was there. As Kendall passed the pine tree with a glittering gold fleece in it and what must be some sort of animatronic dragon sleeping under it, he knew he was about to find out exactly what “kids like you” had meant.

*insert the oh-oh-ohhhhh soundbite here*


	2. Camp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys arrive at camp. Kendall fails to make a speech for once. Carlos summons corn dogs. Logan gets a papercut. James discovers ancient fashion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, this whole thing is a joke please dont take it seriously

Kendall knew he and his friends were never normal. Carlos could seemingly summon corn dogs from thin air and was a whiz with anything mechanical. James’ face, which he dubbed ‘the face,’ was almost too symmetrical to be real, and he never had a hair out of place. Logan was a genius, but also one of the clumsiest and most timid people he’d ever met, unless he was doing a backflip. So honestly, he wasn’t surprised when Chiron trotted towards them and began telling them that one of each of their parents was a god. An actual Greek God. Which were real. 

Logan was skeptical. He maintained this was just Gustavo playing a joke, that Chiron was just a dude in a costume, the hundreds of eyes covering Argus’ body all prosthetic, that there was no way Gustavo had been a god all along. And he definitely didn’t believe that his other parent, whoever they were, was a god. His mother would have told him that. But when Gustavo turned him into a literal dolphin, even if just for a split second, it hit him. It was real. His other parent, the one Mom never talked about, was a god.

Carlos always knew who his dad was. He knew who is aunt was, too. Well he had since he was eight and Aunt Hestia blessed him with the ability to summon corn dogs at will. But the other kids, his friends included, thought it was all an elaborate joke he played, so he kept it to himself. He remembers his mom arguing with his dad, saying he was too young, that monsters might find him that way, while his dad insisted that Hestia’s blessing, while letting the cat out of the bag, would also protect him. 

James slid Carlos a five. He never believed Carlos’ explanation for why he always had a corn dog until now, but the Rule of Bets dictated that, though 8 years old now, the “I bet you $5 you can’t prove your dad’s a god” was still in play. 

“So where’s our cabin, then?” Kendall finally asked after Chiron had finished explaining camp.

“For now, you’ll all be in Cabin 11. Kendall, since you and your sister were claimed at the winter solstice two years ago, that’s where you’ll stay. Logan, Carlos, and James will be there temporarily until their parents claim them, as Hermes is the god of travelers,” Chiron explained.

“Nuh-uh. You’re not splitting us up. I don’t care who their parents are, we’re friends and we stay together-” Kendall started, before Carlos cut in.

“My dad is Hephaestus. He told me when I was eight and Aunt Hestia blessed me with corn dog powers.”

“Carlos, that’s not how things work. You have to be claimed-” Chiron was cut off by the sound of hammer hitting anvil as a glowing red flame appeared above Carlos’ head.

“Carlos Garcia, son of Hephaestus, your siblings await you in Cabin 9,” Chiron said.

“I have siblings? I’ve never had siblings before! Sweet!” Carlos began to run off, before Kendall called him back only to sigh and wave him along again. He loved his friends and didn’t want to have them all be separated, but they were all only children. If they did have siblings, he couldn’t deprive them of that. 

Backing up a bit, we probably need some quick background on the corn dog powers. See, when Carlos was a baby, Hestia decided she liked him. She never wanted to be a Mom but her nephew’s baby radiated an energy of home so much like her own that she fully threw herself into the aunt role. And she was right. Carlos, while somewhat reckless, was infinitely honest, and welcoming, and nice, and just generally Good. Hestia decided that if she had wanted children, she would’ve wanted them to be like Carlos. 

When he was 8, Carlos came home from his first day of third grade with a tooth knocked out and a bruised nose. When Hestia asked him what was wrong, he explained that some of his classmates had been making fun of the new kid, Hortense, for his name and clumsiness. When Carlos stepped up to defend him, one of the kids punched him and knocked his tooth out. Despite having just been punched, the first thing he did when he got back up was help the new kid, who was already on the ground, up, and whisk him off to his own friend group, leaving his tooth behind. Hestia was beyond proud of how kind and welcoming her nephew was, and blessed him. The monsters wouldn’t find him, and she gave him a power of her own- food conjuration, though it would only work on Carlos’ favorite food- corn dogs. Which brings us to now, 8 years later, as Carlos jets off to meet his new siblings, “nice to meet you” corn dogs in hand. 

Meanwhile, Chiron led Kendall, James, and Logan towards Cabin 11. When they were about halfway there, however, an owl with golden feathers swooped down to land on Logan’s shoulder, a scroll in its beak. Chiron was surprised. He knew what this meant, and to have two demigods claimed so quickly was practically unheard of. Logan was startled by the owl’s appearance on his shoulder, but took the scroll the animal had angled towards him. Unsurprisingly, he got a papercut while unrolling it.

“To my son, Hortense-” Logan began to read, ignoring James’ snickering at his actual name. “-I have been watching you for some time now, and your intellect does not fail to impress me. However, you need to see your sister to help get your powers under control. If I’m right, and I usually am, you probably got a paper cut just by unravelling this scroll. In addition to my wisdom, you inherited my ability to curse objects, but seem to do so at random and in a way that almost solely backfires on you. It’s a miracle you have yet to seriously harm yourself. Your Mother, Athena.”

Logan had a lot of questions. His sister? He was an only child. Your Mother? Logan knew his mother had only ever referred to his other parent as that, his other parent, but he was confused as to how that parent could be Athena. She was a virgin goddess. And cursing abilities? Is that why his pranks backfired on himself every year during the day of pranking? Before he could ask, he heard Chiron speak up.

“Hortense Mitchell, son of Athena, your siblings await in Cabin 6. Find Annabeth, she can answer any question you may have.”

Logan began walking towards Cabin 6, scroll still in hand and owl still perched on his shoulder, as Kendall sighed.

“Well James, it looks like it’s just you and-” 

When Kendall turned towards James, he saw that his friend was now suddenly wearing a classic Greek chiton, his hair now slicked back with a laurel wreath atop it. He seemed to be glowing. 

“Oh, not you too.” Kendall groaned as James looked down in awe at his sudden change of outfit.

“James Diamond, son of Aphrodite, go to your siblings in Cabin 10.” Chiron cut in.

James dashed off, still in awe of himself, as Kendall hung his head. So much for keeping the group together.


	3. Meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carlos and Leo meet and the world somehow doesn't implode. Annabeth makes fun of Logan. James comes face to face with himself. Kendall comes to terms with the chaos that is Cabin 11.

Carlos arrived at the Hephaestus cabin and burst through the door helmet first. There was only one other camper in the cabin at the time, an elvish-looking boy with a mop of curly dark hair that seemed to be to be about his age. 

“Oh hey! You’re that dude from that one band- oh and sweet! Corn dogs! Wait- what are you doing here?” The boy asked, before seeing the flame still just above Carlos’ head and nodding knowingly.

“Oh yeah. I’m Carlos. I’m new here. And I guess we’re brothers! I never knew I had brothers! Oh, take a corn dog!” Carlos handed him a corn dog before summoning another to replace it.

“Sweet! I’m Leo, your brother and head counselor of Cabin 10. And how did you do that?” Leo pointed to the corn dog that had just appeared.

“The corn dog thing? I’m not really sure. Aunt Hestia told me I could do it when I was 8, something about her blessing. I just hold my palm out and a corn dog appears.”

“Aunt Hestia?”

“Yeah. Dad wasn’t around super often when I was a kid- they always told me he was a police officer a few towns over. I found out that it was cause he was a god the same day I got the powers, so that made more sense. Mom worked a lot so Aunt Hestia- Dad’s aunt- would watch me after school some days. Mom said Aunt Hestia is the one who introduced her to Dad- she and my mom met at Mom’s work.”

“Huh.” Leo said, “You wanna meet the rest of our siblings?”

“Yeah!”

Leo led an excited Carlos off towards the forges as he ate his corn dog.

“Y’know?” Leo said through a mouth full of corn dog, “-I think we’re gonna get along great.”

\---------------------------------

Logan knocked softly on the door of Cabin 6 before the owl on his shoulder started screeching. A girl with blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail and grey eyes opened it, ushered him in, and took the scroll out of his hands, reading over it.  
“Hortense? I’m Annabeth.” She said, holding out her hand.

“Please call me Logan. Please.” Logan shook her hand hesitantly.

“Logan? Di immortales, you’re one of those guys from that band Percy never shuts up about. And you’re my brother then.”

“So your mom is also-”

“Athena, yeah. Same as everyone in Cabin 6. Let me guess, you wanna know how that’s possible since Mom is a virgin goddess?” Logan nodded. “When Mom falls in love, its a meeting of the minds, and she occasionally decides to bless on of her partners with a child, sprung from her head as she did from Zeus’.”

 

“Huh. I have two moms, then.”

“Yep. Though it had to have been your mom’s intellect and not her naming abilities that attracted Athena. Hortense is...uh.” Annabeth chuckled.

 

“I know. Please don’t call me that.” Logan smiled genuinely for the first time since arriving at camp. He liked his sister already.

“So, you didn’t get Mom’s hair or eyes, but you seem to have gotten an extra one of her powers. Let me guess, you trip over things you know you went around, and from looking at your bleeding finger, Mom was right about the paper cut?”

Logan looked down at his right index finger, which was bleeding slightly, and Annabeth handed him a band-aid for it. “Yeah. I just thought I was unlucky.”

“You are. Well, not inherently. You have a more minor version of Mom’s ability to curse items. But you seem to do it without knowing it and it tends to backfire on you. Starting tomorrow, I’m gonna try to help you get control of it.”

“Really? No more pranking myself out 5 minutes into the day of pranks?”

“I’m not sure what that is, but yeah.”

Logan wrapped Annabeth in a tentative hug, which she returned.

“The rest of our siblings are in the arena training right now, but come on, I’m gonna introduce you to my boyfriend Percy. He’s gonna Freak.” Annabeth chuckled

\------------------------  
James, relieved to find that his lucky comb had not vanished with the rest of his normal clothes and was in a secret inside pocket of his chiton- thanks, Mom- opened the door to the Aphrodite cabin to be greeted by posters of he and his friends covering one side of the room. Right, world famous boy band and all that. 

“Holy Shit.” He heard from a girl with blonde pigtails and braces who looked like she was about Katie’s age.

“Lacy, language.” He turned to see a girl around hi age with choppy brown hair and eyes like a kaleidoscope. 

“But Piper, that’s James Diamond from Big Time Rush, and he’s got Mom’s blessing.”

The older girl, Piper, he thought, moved towards him and looked closely at his clothes.

“Huh. So he’s one of us then. I’m not really surprised, he has the whole face thing going, but Drew and Mitchell are gonna blow their shit. I guess that explains why he’s the one member of the band neither of them ever had a crush on.”

“Thank gods for that.” James finally broke his silence. “And I approve of the choice of decoration on that side of the room. This face deserves to be on every wall.” He did his usual twinkling fingers on either side of his face.

“Checks out. He’s definitely one of us, then.” Lacy laughed. 

\-------------

Kendall opened the door to Cabin 11 to find chaos. The remnants of pranks long past everywhere and a group of kids between the ages of 8 and what looked like 17 playing some sort of card game while laughing and screaming at each other. 

“Hello?” Katie finally said from her spot next to him in the doorway, causing the kids to turn around. Two identical-looking boys who looked about his age jumped up and rushed towards them, shaking both of their hands excitedly.

“New recruits, everyone!” One of the boys turned back and yelled to the rest of the group.

“Wait, shit, Travis, this is that Kendall kid from that boyband. The one dad said had audiokinesis.” The other boy said. 

“Aw sick. And that must be his little sister that got Dad’s money manipulation powers-”

“Hello to you, too?” Kendall cut in.  
“Where are our manners! I’m Connor and this is my brother Travis! Well, your brother too, but-” Connor began to tell them at breakneck speed.

“He gets it, Connor. Welcome to Cabin 11. Say hi to Kendall and Katie, kids!” Travis yelled back to the group of kids.

“Hi Kendall and Katie.” The group said in the same simultaneous tone you’d find in a kindergarten class telling their teacher good morning.

“Meet your siblings! Well, some of them are your siblings. The rest are other demigods crashing here until their parent claims them, you get the point. Care to join us for a game of Texas Holdem?”

Katie ran forward, dragging Kendall with her by the hand. Kendall was used to chaos living with the rest of the guys, but this- this was still going to take an adjustment period.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twitter @shadowtravl all i do is make bad jokes


End file.
